Father’s Day without you…
Sunday is Father’s day. A holiday filled with cards, searching for the perfect gifts, and handmade keepsakes from small children. It might be another typical hallmark holiday to some, but to us, it was always special. When you have an incredible dad, a day to celebrate him is a welcome one.
My dad loved fathers day. With five daughters and a devoted wife, he was spoiled that day and he basked in it. His booming voice as we would enter the house, “What’d you bring me?” and no matter the size or shape of the package, he would always exclaim, “Yup, I bet it’s a bowling ball”. He loved presents, he loved bakery boxes, he loved anything we’d bring him.
This year is different. This year I dread it. This is our first year without him. When fathers day rolls around this year, my dad will have been gone four months already. Four months of learning to live without him, learning to navigate life as an adult daughter without her dad. What does one do? How do we approach this and not crumble?
For the last two years, I would argue with Brian that we would need to spend fathers day with MY family, because of my fathers failing health and weakened state. I would remind him over and over ‘it could be his last fathers day’, and we would spend it with my dad. We had this conversation last year, never thinking it would actually come true. I wish it hadn’t become a reality.
As with my approach to all difficult things, I seek the advice of dear friends who have been in the same place, I read my grief books, look for guidance in my daily meditation books, and I pray to him for the strength to just get through another ‘first’. We will seek signs, look for cardinals, & wait for that feeling of peace that comes every so often when his spirit is near.
The Reilly girls will be together on Sunday, with our families, and most importantly our Mom. We will “get through this together” as my dad told us we would, and I pray we feel him, and I pray that he feels the never ending love we will be sending him.
Happy Father’s Day Dad.